dibdib2199

In the past few weeks, there has been stuff said behind others backs, words rearranged, stories made up, attitudes formed, lies used to use people, reworded text messages, and broken trust issues. Basically stupid crap to start crap among certain people.
To start things off, I do want to confirm something that EVERYBODY has heard about. Yes I did try to commit suicide by trying to OD but thats my business and I will explain that to EVERYONE if I am given a chance. Nothing more will be said about me and Jessie because I don't want us fighting and yelling at eachother. That also makes me wanna kill myself. I still don't know where I will be living because the whole "me getting evicted thing." But a fresh start is what is needed and I considered just ending every friendship I've made but I'm not gonna just "give up that easily." But I do want to apologize to EVERYONE for apparently making your lives miserable.
Eversince I was a little kid, I've always thought about death. I've wondered several things about it. Why does it happen? Thats why I've always been scared of death. But after what I've been through in my past I have learned to stare death straight into it's eye. Literally. After I missed a very important funeral because her parents didn't tell me and accused me of getting her pregnant well death doesn't bother me anymore. Death is just another part of life. So yes I did try to OD. But look at it from my view point: stuck at the apartment with no gas in the car, no money, no food, no drinks, nothing but me and five cats keeping me company. And this was a 4-5 day span. I was in pain and I just didn't really want to be in pain any longer. But the attempt failed. But I guess that I "didn't try hard enough." It has been said that I stole some prescribed antibiotics that were over a year old from my own medicine cabinet. But after the failed attempt I have refreshed my mind.
This past week or so I've been writing like crazy. My dream of being a writer is back. I've even got someone at Auburn University trying to get me to go down there and write. Some internship or something. I didn't get all the details just basics. But EVERYTIME I get offered something big I ALWAYS end up turning it down because I make excuses. This time I'm gonna help myself. I really don't wanna go because of somethings that I still have left inside me. There are some thoughts and feelings that I must get across to someone and that will happen soon. But the expression of these thoughts and feelings could be something holding me back from something. Don't really want to go into details. Maybe later. So the drugged up dudeman who I sold my car to is now in prison in Tuscaloosa and the car is still in my name. Only problem is that I don't have a clue where the car is. So I'm looking for it. Gonna call around. That way Jessie can have her car back with no strings attached. But I'm at the library and I am about to get kicked off this so I will have to continue this later. Soon. Because I'm waiting until 2 or 3 to get some stuff done. Had to take Emily (friend from AU) back this morning and her friend took me back up here cause she didn't have any classes but Emily had 2 today. Nice peaceful drive to Auburn. Slept on the way back up. But I'm gonna sit down and read a book or something and update later.

Current Mood: groggy
Current Music: library silence

I am gonna pull an "Adam" and update again and say that Hall Of Fame Baseball player Kirby Puckett died today at the age of 45. The former Minnesota Twins outfielder suffered a stroke on Monday. He had a great career from the start. But all ended when he retired in 1996 when glaucoma ruined his vision in his right eye. It was a loss to the sport. He had 10 straight All-Star appearances, a .318 career average, 2,304 hits, 207 homers and 1,085 RBIs. It was a sad loss to the sports world. R.I.P. Kirby Puckett. I looked up to him when I was a young "tyke" and I was into baseball. He was a person I could look up to. I even wore his number (#34) when I played.

Current Mood: sad

"If"

If I was born yesterday,
would anyone notice today?
If I had a bad childhood,
would anyone care 10 years later?
If I had my first crush when I was 12,
would anyone care to wonder who she was?
If I got my first car when I was 16,
would anyone ask me for a ride to school?
If I graduated high school,
would anyone come to the ceremony?
If I got accepted to any college in the world,
would anyone congratulate me and wish me good luck?
If I dropped out of college after a year and a half,
would anyone help me out?
If I finally fell in love at the age of 20,
would anyone understand why?
If me and my love moved in together after 5 months,
would anyone try to stop us?
If we both made love to eachother for the first time,
would anyone ask us how it was?
If our relationship took a turn for the worst,
would anyone help us fix things?
If we broke up,
would anyone help us get back together?
If I died today,
would anyone notice tomorrow?

6:54 pm
March 5th 2006

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: chatter

WHEN U GO TO WALMART.......


1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares".... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"

Repost this if you laughed...
Or are planning to do any of these things

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: electric heater buzzing

Everyday I was with you,
was just like my dreams come true.
You could make me smile or make me laugh,
but all that has come to pass.
Now as I sit here wanting to go back in time,
all I can do is remember when we were fine.
Why we had to grow apart,
how much was really from our heart.
I cry alone in the dark night,
hoping that you would be in my sight.
It wasnt supposed to end,
now all I can do is try to mend.
You meant more to me than you could ever know,
why didnt I just let you go.
All I can say is to you I was true,
but now I just cant get over you.
So here come the tears,
and the memories that seems like years.
My life will never be the same,
until everything was back to normal and I was outta this game.

Current Mood: rejuvenated
Current Music: josh groban "when you say you love me"

It's been a while since I've updated so here goes...Well I'm still looking for a place to stay. I thought I found one when I asked Eric from Bruno's but he totally fucked me over cause he made me a copy of his key and it turned out it was a fake. I stood in the cold and rain for about 30 minutes waiting for him to open the door, even called a thousand times. This was a couple days ago. Then the moring after I slept in my car I broke down in tears and Jessie tried to comfort me but I just could not deal with it. It may seem like I am taking this soooo good, inside I am not. Life sucks. Steven told me how I was taking it so well, I guess it's because I know things can't get any worse. I'm due for some good luck pretty soon. The "fixing things" plan is going but going slow. I guess to avoid anymore trouble it is for the best. My feelings are still the same on that and hopefully things will be like they were before. I got an update that I have had planned for a couple days and I guess I am just waiting for the perfect day. Tomorrow I got an orientation to go to for Western Supermarket in Trussville. Wish me luck on that one. A Happy Birthday Wish goes out to my buddy Adam Coffey. Prayers go out to my friends Danielle and Dustin. Hope things are going better. A prayer goes out to all of the rest of you. Almost a week ago, I had a journal wrote out titled "My Last Entry, My Last Farewell" but someone talked me out of that one. I don't plan on running away from my problems anymore. There has been some advice that I should stand up for myself. So that will be put into effect. And I guess a new and reborn person will be created. I will be a changed man...It can't happen overnight but it will happen soon and fast. A new rejuvinated life. Signing off now...Will update tomorrow...

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: "Good Times"

Well today has been a quiet day. Me and Jessie's cats are not doing so well just because of the fact that nobody has been around the apartment. I've been gone day and night. Out and about because I can't think of nothing but Jessie. I gave our goldfish that we had in our Garfield aqarium tank to Jessie's sister Tiff. So only the cats remain. My 256 dollars (half of the rent) was due today but I didn't have it. So I'm just waiting for the power to get cut off in a couple days and for me to get evicted at the end of the month. I might just go out and take a vacation. Drive until I run out of gas and just come back and start over. The only thing holding me back from leaving is my first and only love of my life. I have not seen her in a couple days and it hurts. I guess I deserve all this crap because of the way I treated her. If I had another chance, I would just be so greatful. My life would come all back together again. She is my sunshine on a rainy day. My spark that runs my heart day in and day out. She is just my everything. Well I guess I am done for now.

Current Mood: to get my life together
Current Music: telephone ring

They are running around
Telling me that I should be free
But there's no kind of way
I'd let anyone take your love away from me
I'm a firm believer
In trusting, caring, and loving
My love for you is so timeless
It's deeper than the depth of emotion
And everyday that goes by, I'm finding
The reasons that I love you more and more

Now and forever I will love you and be true
Now and forever I will keep what we have new
I will cherish and adore you
Trust and give my all to you
Now and forever I will always love you

I'm not intrested in starting all over again
To give you up on someone else's words
It's not something I'd do
You see you can tell a tree
By the fruit that it bears
And from where I stand
I see my field is yielding
Wish we could sail away on an ocean
Float away on midnight dreams
And we don't need a magic potion
So we can live inside our dreams

Now and forever I will love you and be true
Now and forever I will keep what we have new
I will cherish and adore you
Trust and give my all to you
Now and forever I will always love you

You're everything I ever wanted in a lover
You're everythng I ever needed in a girlfriend
You're the shoulder that I'm leaning and depending on
And I could never hurt you again
You're everything to me
And I will be the man of your dreams

Just come back and we will work things out
Being an asshole, thats not what I'm about
You have feelings for me
And I have feelings for you, can't you just see
I love you so much
Baby, give your love to me

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: water faucet

I got home last night around 1230 and walked in the door and noticed something funny. My lamp was on the floor and a picture frame that was hung was on the floor. I then noticed my tv was gone, my playstation 2 was gone(2 controllers and 2 memory cards), a handful of my playstation 2 games were gone, my dvd player with surround sound speakers was gone, my mini stereo system was gone, my digital camera and another great camera was gone and thats just what I noticed. However they didn't take my cds or the dvds that I had near the tv. Even though I had only a handful of dvds and about 10 cds. I even had a cd case willed with about 20 cds sitting next to the mini stereo and they left that. They decided to search through my side of the closet and dump out my totes with papers and books and magazines. However there was no sign of a break-in. The door to the porch was unlocked and they alarm was turned off. What they took was about a 1000 dollars in electronics. But my dvds were untouched...my cds were untouched...there was no search under the bed which had just puzzles and board games. Well I m just still shocked about everything that happened. But I will update later

Current Mood: maybe i deserved being robbed
Current Music: commercial

There will never come a day
You will ever hear me say
That I want
Or need to be without you
I wanna give my all

Baby just hold me
Simply control me
Because your arms, they keep away the lonelies
When I look into your eyes
Then I realize
All I need is you in my life
All I need is you in my life

Cause I never felt this way about lovin
Never felt so good..baby
Never felt this way about love
And it feels so good

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: t.v.